Must be v. quick about this. Am blogging from bathroom of creepy scientist who thinks I'm some woman named Barbara. Also knows I'm from Beverly Hills and says he "created" me.
V. disturbing.
Anyway, past few days have been eventful. Crazy Gorgeous Hottie Petrelli was officially sworn in. Both happy and sad about this - on one hand, my evil plan worked, and now Dirty Old Man Malden can kiss my perfectly-sculptured ass!
On other hand, this means I'm officially on Petrelli's staff, so will be MUCH harder to get on(/in/around/over/under) his... staff. Am sure you know what I mean by this. :)
Sadly, could not ogle him during his acceptance speech, as was busy freezing random plants in my apartment. Don't judge. Must practice in order to pursue career as superhero, because the world needs to see me in a skintight leather outfit.
Oh! Have also embarked on first superhero mission - went to New Orleans where I saw dead body of Niki Sanders. Can now sort of see the resemblance, though of course, she is much uglier (largely because of horrific burns).
Also saw her annoying little snot-nosed brat of a kid. Horrible hair, but at least was useful enough to direct me to Scary Mad Scientist Doctor. As such, did not freeze kid, and actually attempted to be nice to him.
Besides, shattering = too good for him.
Must sign off now, as Scary Doctor is coming. Must type faster so as not to arouse suspicion.
XOXO (quietly)
Superhero Tracy Strauss
Thursday, October 2, 2008
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
Three Things You Need to Know About Me
#1: WHY I'M HERE
Honestly, there's no one more surprised about this than I am. Life's been so crazy lately - explosive, you might say - and up till a few hours ago, I was way too busy to even consider maintaining a website, especially with the way my last one went.
Not my proudest moment.
Then I got this e-mail from Governor Malden:
What will change, though, is that very, very soon, he'll no longer be my boss. I'll be transferring to the staff of totally-gorgeous-but-slightly-crazy Junior Senator Petrelli. All right, fine, he's a little shaken up from his near-death experience, but insanity never stopped anyone from being good at politics (or in bed, for that matter... :) ). Plus, he's got some experience in the field, which means he won't be as clueless as Malden (henceforth to be referred to as "The Dirty Old Man") used to be.
And best of all, there's nothing the Dirty Old Man can do to stop me! He wanted Petrelli on his team, and Petrelli wanted me. Funny how things work out.
I might still keep the blog, though. This whole "bash-the-Dirty-Old-Man" thing is fun.
#2: I AM NOT A STRIPPER
Recently, it's come to my attention that a growing number of people (among them the aforementioned lunatic hottie politician) think I'm the woman who runs lasvegasniki.com. To all of you out there, I just have to ask, do you need glasses?
Just look at this!
Do you see the resemblance? Because I don't. Seriously, this woman and I don't look anything alike! And now I have all these people who keep offering me money to strip for them! The nerve! What kind of girl do they think I am? Do they really think I would take my clothes off in front of them for money?
That's just greedy. I'd do it for free.
#3: NO, I WILL NOT SLEEP WITH YOU.
Because I'm just that cruel.
Anyway, I should get going. The Dirty Old Man's calling, says he wants to go over something with me. Which translates to: "I'm horny as hell; please have sex with me now."
God, it will be so much easier under Petrelli... in more ways than one.
Until next time,
Tracy
Honestly, there's no one more surprised about this than I am. Life's been so crazy lately - explosive, you might say - and up till a few hours ago, I was way too busy to even consider maintaining a website, especially with the way my last one went.
Not my proudest moment.Then I got this e-mail from Governor Malden:
Tracy, baby, I think it'd be a good idea for you to get one of those "blog" things. I need someone to ogl - er... keep in touch with what the voters are doing. And all the polls say most of the voters have blogs. Yeah. That's it. Oh, and post lots of pictures too. Preferably ones with you in, you know, the special outfit. Voters love that.Yeah, I know, The Boss is a bit of a pervert; that's never gonna change. Tell me something I don't know.
What will change, though, is that very, very soon, he'll no longer be my boss. I'll be transferring to the staff of totally-gorgeous-but-slightly-crazy Junior Senator Petrelli. All right, fine, he's a little shaken up from his near-death experience, but insanity never stopped anyone from being good at politics (or in bed, for that matter... :) ). Plus, he's got some experience in the field, which means he won't be as clueless as Malden (henceforth to be referred to as "The Dirty Old Man") used to be.
And best of all, there's nothing the Dirty Old Man can do to stop me! He wanted Petrelli on his team, and Petrelli wanted me. Funny how things work out.
I might still keep the blog, though. This whole "bash-the-Dirty-Old-Man" thing is fun.
#2: I AM NOT A STRIPPER
Recently, it's come to my attention that a growing number of people (among them the aforementioned lunatic hottie politician) think I'm the woman who runs lasvegasniki.com. To all of you out there, I just have to ask, do you need glasses?
Just look at this!
Do you see the resemblance? Because I don't. Seriously, this woman and I don't look anything alike! And now I have all these people who keep offering me money to strip for them! The nerve! What kind of girl do they think I am? Do they really think I would take my clothes off in front of them for money?
That's just greedy. I'd do it for free.
#3: NO, I WILL NOT SLEEP WITH YOU.
Because I'm just that cruel.
Anyway, I should get going. The Dirty Old Man's calling, says he wants to go over something with me. Which translates to: "I'm horny as hell; please have sex with me now."
God, it will be so much easier under Petrelli... in more ways than one.
Until next time,
Tracy
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